Post-Partum Struggles?

You Are Not Alone!

Expecting your first baby can be a rapturous time, but more than a little daunting too. Have I installed the car seat properly? Will my birth go as planned? How will I know what my baby needs? Mothers, the world over, share these worries. But one difference in our North American culture is that moms here bear most of the transition alone.

As a psychotherapist who works with pregnant women and new moms, I see time and again the exhaustion, the confusion, the tears that come in the early months of raising a baby. Babies don't have a schedule. Babies bring up old memories about being parented. Babies don't sleep through the night. And yes, babies do cry a lot! If only we could invite a community of supportive people into our homes to handle all the cooking, cleaning and minutiae of daily life — freeing us to rest, bond with our babies, and figure out breastfeeding. If only!

I work with women who are confused about what they are experiencing. If I cry, does that mean I have postpartum depression? If I can't breastfeed, will my baby develop allergies or colic? I remember my own post-partum frustration and being unable to complete any task. I remember the exhaustion. The shower-less days. The spontaneous tears. My new baby's fussiness. And I remember feeling achingly alone in the experience. I'd peer bleary-eyed into local coffee shops, see well-groomed mothers laughing together, and walk away feeling I was the only one who wasn't coping.

A few playgroups and breastfeeding drop-ins later, I realized that many new moms feel dazed and confused. Most of us don't have groups of women in our homes to help us. Some new moms may be experiencing depression; most will simply be struggling to adjust to their new role. If you are struggling, or if you have unresolved feelings about your birth experience, talk to someone — your doctor, your midwife, a friend. Or contact a therapist who has experience with post-partum work.

Here are some suggestions to help you in the first few post-partum months:

Schedule visitors so you are not overwhelmed by curious well-wishers.

Sleep when the baby sleeps (forget the laundry and the dishes).

Spend alone-time with your baby so you can tune into your own instincts. Forget Doctor Phil! You have all you need in your heart to be the best mother for your baby.

Find drop-in groups in your area, and talk to other moms about how they coped.

Get outside with your baby. Fresh air can help energize you and promote sleep for your baby. Even watching other people can help you feel like you are part of the larger community.

Simplify your life. Don't expect to have a spotless home or to host lavish dinners.

When people ask you what they can do, tell them to bring food! Trust me, you'll appreciate it.

Becoming a parent is not easy, but it has unimaginable rewards. Smelling the intense sweetness of your newborn's skin, hearing the soft sounds of nursing, watching your baby smile for the first time, begin to talk and walk — these are all miraculous events. And it gets easier — it really does!

Michele Glover is a private psychotherapist practicing in Ottawa's Westboro Village. Michele welcomes infants at sessions. To find out more about Michele and Full Circle Counselling here is the website: www.fullcirclecounselling.ca. Or give her a call at 613-808-7244.