Psychological Spring Cleaning: Making Room for Mom and Baby

Pregnancy can be an exciting, joyful phase in a women's life — and also a time when tough relationship dynamics can be heightened and anxieties can rise to new extremes. Experiencing contradiction is the most natural thing in the world when you're growing a human being inside you.

Pregnant women can worry that they're bound to repeat unhelpful parenting patterns they experienced as children. Pregnant women can worry that they won't be stellar role models. Pregnant women can worry about a lot of things! And while everyone else is gurgling with excitement and hurrying to hand over sleepers and soothers, mom-to-be can feel very alone in her doubts and fears.

I remember the sunny spring day in my second trimester when it really clicked that this was all "real." That I'd very likely have this baby I was growing. That I was really going to become a mom. It filled me with elation and fear to think that I'd be raising not just a child, but a future adult! It's still daunting sometimes, but what I've learned over these past two years is that I am never alone on this journey. My partner and my daughter help guide me on our path every day, and I am always open to learning from other mothers in my circle. It really does take a community to raise a child.

We focus a lot on the body during pregnancy, for obvious reasons, but this singular focus can eclipse important parts of our experience — psychological, spiritual and emotional. One of the best ways to prepare for becoming a mom is to identify and unload the things in your life that cause you stress.

Think of it as doing some spring cleaning of mind and spirit, to make room for yourself and the baby who's coming. Here are four tips, to start, to help you process anxieties that arise during pregnancy.

Start a pregnancy journal. Use your journal as a space to express anxieties and elations, not just fetal development milestones.

Stay physically active. Exercise eases anxieties and releases stress-soothing hormones. Many women find prenatal yoga helps them to relax and "look inside."

Find someone to talk to, other than your partner. It helps to voice anxieties to someone—a friend, a relative, a therapist—who's eager to listen and who understands you.

Build your perinatal team. Pull together the circle of people who'll support you on your journey. This might include a doula, a massage therapist, a spiritual leader, a naturopath, special friends—you're the boss, so you decide.

With your support structure in place, start sharing your questions, concerns and anxieties.

Are you worried about losing your independence, your time alone? How might you manage this?

Are you afraid you might lose yourself in your new role as mother?

How might your partner balance your approach to parenting?

Is there anything that haunts you from your past? Can you address it before baby comes?

Are you experiencing fear while anticipating your upcoming labour or delivery?

The questions that you find yourself asking will depend a lot on your history. For example, if you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, anticipating labour and delivery may be highly triggering for you. You may find yourself experiencing flashbacks. It will be deeply important for you to create a team of supporters who help you feel safe and respected.

So clear out those cobwebs and start making room for yourself and your baby. Films, television and magazines often portray the joys of parenting without the realistic struggles that go along with them. All new moms feel stressed, all new moms feel overwhelmed at times, and all new moms feel guilt about it! All fears and anxieties are valid. It is always healthier to share your fears rather than shoulder them alone. Find your voice before the baby comes, and don't stop talking!